There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
