Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm just crazy horny about you
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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