This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
