my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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