yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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