My Higher Power is John Stamos
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When are your genitals available?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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