Porn is love you can see.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
