We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
