Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
