WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
