Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
