I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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