Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
