why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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