My friends, they love my intelligence
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
