How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
