she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
