all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
bring money and cleavage
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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