I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You took a bar mat shot.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
