he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
