I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
