Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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