What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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