the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
