Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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