Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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