u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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