I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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