yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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