Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
