Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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