i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
