she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
