I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
This is my gift to your gina
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
