i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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