Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
