Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
