I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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