i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
