My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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