Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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