Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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