i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
