The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
