you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
