Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
