So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
