Christians are straight up FREAKS
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
