those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
