i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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