We're facebook friends in real life
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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