You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
