Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
this just has baby written all over it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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