Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
