I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
